We Visit the 'Tubes
by alicemayisbetter
Summary: James shows up at Remus's flat with something very important to show them. Remus and Sirius misunderstand him. RSLB slash. Crack!y but not tremendously so.


**Okay. Anachronism!FirstWar, as somebody has a _laptop_ and the _interwebs_, horror of horrors. I have all sorts of random drabbles like this that I'm sure aren't great but I don't have time to worry about fixing them. And I'd seek out a beta but then when I disappear from the fic-writing world for weeks or even months at a time I'd be letting down an actual person... anyway, long story short, this is ancient and mostly unedited, so be gentle with my baby.**

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter & associated properties (intellectual or otherwise) not mine in any way/shape/form, DON'T SUE ME STOP I QUITE LIKE HAVING A FIXED ADDRESS AND COULD NOT AFFORD IT IF SUED STOP. telegraphese is fun.**

**Anyway, sorry, it's a bit late at night and I'm rather a wreck. This is slash. A wee bit crack!y, I guess. And, as established, unbeta'd. Just a bit of random plotless crap. So here you go. Onward.**

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><p>"Hi, Remus!"<p>

"Hi, James. What are you doing here, exactly?" Remus raised an eyebrow at him inquisitively.

"Well, I'm sorry to invade your flat like this, but, um… there's something I think you need to see." James did his best to look solemn despite the fact that he was inwardly cackling with evil laughter.

"Look at this!" He whipped out from behind his back a… _A metal square?_ Remus thought.

_Oh, a muggle laptop. Okay._

Sirius's head poked out of the kitchen.

"Oh, hi, James. What're you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question. This is _Moony's _flat, not yours."

"Oh, I um, I just… wanted to stop by! And now I'm making some tea. Because it would be rude to just turn up and force Moony to make me food."

James shook his head. "And since when have you ever cared about being rude, Sirius?" He continued without waiting for an answer. "Anyway, come over here, both of you. I've got something to show you." He opened the laptop and typed for a few moments, pulling up a page on the _interwebs? No, internet,_ Sirius mused, trying to remember the names of all these electronicky muggle things.

"Look at this!"

"Harry… Potter… fanfiction," Remus read. "I'm sorry, that means absolutely nothing to me."

"Oh yeah?" said James. "Well, just look at this!"

He had opened a page of text. Remus and Sirius began to read.

"It's a story about us?"

"Yes! Keep reading!"

"Why does it have me staring at Remus?"

"Why do I keep thinking about Sirius?"

"Keep reading!"

Remus had always been a faster reader than Sirius. Story-Remus and story-Sirius were fighting… sad sadness… Lily was there for some reason… and now they were making up… getting closer—_what the…_

"What the hell is this, James?" he all but shrieked.

By this point Sirius, too, had read the offending sentence, and leapt up angrily.

"Shit! Shit shit _shit!_"

"What are we going to do?"

"Shit!"

"Oh gods, how many people have _read_ this? Who knows about this? Probably the whole entire universe! Oh _gods_!"

"Shit! Shit! Shit!"

"Gods, we are _so_ dead, like it wasn't bad enough that I'm a werewolf, now everybody—"

"Shit shit shit shit shit!"

"Sirius, for God's sake, will you _shut up_? This is not helping! _You _are not helping! Now stop swearing!"

James watched the spectacle in amusement. His friends' reactions were just _too_ _funny_.

"Horrifying, isn't it? And you didn't even get to the bit where the two of you f—"

"Okay, hold it right there!" Remus said. "What on earth did you mean by showing us this without explaining? Why did you even _find this_ in the first place? Why would you tell us you found out like _this?_"

"Yeah!" Sirius added. "I hadn't even told you I'm gay yet!"

"Wait, _what?_" James was stunned.

"Wha'd'you mean, 'what'?" Sirius looked at him.

"You—you—you're _gay_?" James stuttered.

"Well yeah, why did you think I was—oh. _Oh_."

The three of them stared at each other in silence for a moment.

Finally, Remus cleared his throat.

"Okay, uh, James, I think maybe you should explain _why_, exactly, you showed us that story."

"Because—because it was _funny_," James said weakly. "It's Lily's laptop, and she found a whole bunch of those stories—there's something like thousands"—Sirius made to stand up again, but Remus held him back—"and I just thought it would be funny to see your reactions when you read that people thought you two were _gay for each other_, and it was, but then you freaked out, and apparently Sirius _is_ gay but I don't really know why it just came up now, and then, and then, and then I guess I explained everything that happened up to this point."

"Oh."

"Well then."

James looked at them curiously, his brain finally beginning to catch up with the last few minutes' insanity.

"Why did you _think_ I showed it to you? And what does Sirius being gay have to do with _any _of it?"

"Well."

"Um."

"I don't—"

"That is, we didn't—"

Sirius coughed. Remus shifted in his seat.

"So," Sirius said, "you thought the idea of us being together was weird like _horrifyingly disgusting_ or weird like _laughably improbable_?"

_Real subtle, Pads_, Remus mouthed silently.

"Um. I… don't know?" Sirius looked skeptical. "I was not anticipating having to evaluate my exact feelings about my two male friends being hypothetically together…"

"Big _words_, James."

"Lily must really be getting to him."

James scowled. "Shut up. I guess I don't really have a problem with it, hypothetically, even though it would be _weird _as _hell _because God knows what kinds of stuff you'd have done in the dorms at Hogwarts _oh God_…"

"And the penny drops." Remus's continued snarking masked relief mixed with continuing trepidation. There are no words in the English language sufficient to describe Sirius's feelings at that time, but that's just how he always is, so that's okay.

"_That time… with the whipped cream_—" James was almost hyperventilating.

"The Incident That Shall Never Be Mentioned Again, yes…" Sirius drawled.

"And the _bowl of melted chocolate _under the _bed… _and the _pink boxers_ on the _ceiling_… and that one time with the house-elves and three boxes of throat lozenges—"

"Okay, that one was _not_ the two of us, Peter got up to some really bizarre stuff—"

"That was all _you guys! _You're _together! _Even at _Hogwarts!_ _Gaah!"_

"Yes, we're together, we're snogging, we're more than snogging, we're both complete bloody poofs, I think we've established that." Remus rolled his eyes.

"And just now… _you weren't just visiting, were you Sirius? You didn't just drop in to make tea!_"

"Yes. Yes, that is true."

"I… how long?"

"Since fifth year." Sirius grinned.

"Oh lord. Okay. Okay. I can deal with this. I can deal. Deep breaths." He suited his actions to his words, and eventually recovered enough to grin.

"You guys are actually kind of perfect for each other, in a weird way. As long as I don't have to… _see_… anything, I'm fine with it."

"Good." They all grinned at each other for a moment.

Then Sirius spoke in a tiny voice.

"In the interest of full disclosure, we did it on your bed."

"Oh _God!_ I will never be clean again!" James whimpered.


End file.
